The Prodigal Son?
by daughterofrisingsun
Summary: What if Raditz HADN'T killed the farmer?... My first pitiful attempt at humor. Please be kind. One-shot.


Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or any of its characters, Akira Toriyama does!

...

The farmer noticed something in the sky flying over his farm and landing with a resounding boom. When the dust settled, he noticed it was a metallic sphere.

"Tarnation, It's a UFO! Earth is bein' invaded!" the farmer screeched.

The tiller of soil ran to his truck that was parked nearby. He reached over to the gun-rack and pulled down his trusty rifle. Looking over to the farmhouse a short distance away, the farmer realized that he was all that stood between the alien arrival and his home. His planet's fate was in his sweaty palms. A door began to open on the strange craft, he held up his rifle with trembling hands, ready to fire.

Floating up out of the alien ship was a male being the farmer had never seen the like of. The alien wore some sort of outlandish uniform of brown and black. It had long black spiky hair that reached past its knees and muscles that made the local blacksmith look like a waif.

Raditz scowled as he landed on the lush green grass on the planet's surface. There should have been nothing but scorched soil. The planet fairly teemed with life. His brother had completely failed in accomplishing his mission.

"WHAT have you been _DOING_ all these years, Kakarot?" the long-haired Saiyan snarled.

Oh, how quaint. One of the planet's miserable inhabitants was pointing what appeared to be some sort of weapon at him.

Raditz tapped his scouter and scoffed at the number it displayed.

"A power level of 5? Seriously _just_ _a 5_ ?. How absolutely pathetic!" the son of Bardock growled.

What kind of challenge was that for a Saiyan warrior? Kakarot had some _serious_ explaining to do.

Something shot out from the the Earth being's weapon. Raditz caught it easily in his fingers. He rolled his eyes as he inspected the object.

_'Projectile weapons? Wonderful, primitive AND pathetic_!' the Saiyan male mused.

The farmer gulped as he saw the space creature snatch the bullet before it could harm him.

"That...that was a warnin' shot! Now get outta here before...before I REALLY let you have it!" the farmer stammered.

Raditz laughed evilly and pulled back his hand to fling the projectile back at the Earthling.

The farmer and the Sayian looked up as the door to the farmhouse suddenly opened and slammed shut. An Earthling female raced up to them.

" Josh! Josh!, you put that thing down right this minute! DO YOU HEAR ME?" the woman screeched.

Raditz stared at the Earthling female. She had graying black hair piled on top of her head, some sort of white dust flecked a white cloth that was fastened to the waist of the blue floral garment she wore. The scent of food clung to her clothing.

The Saiyan's stomach growled at the heavenly smell.

"Get back, Marge! We got us an ALIEN INVADER here!" Josh the farmer announced.

The woman smacked the side of the man's head with her apron. "Are you crazy? That ain't no alien, it's our Bobby visitin' from college!"

Josh's jaw dropped in utter disbelief. How could his wife believe that this freak, this _alien_, was their **son**, Bobby?

"Margaret, Dr. Brewster was right! YOU DO NEED GLASSES!"

"Don't need no glasses to recognize my own boy!" Margaret snapped.

"Now Marge, just look at that crazy hair and them weird clothes! THAT AIN'T BOBBY!" the farmer insisted.

"Hmph! You know teenagers and their crazy styles. Oooh! I'll just bet it's pledge week! Our son's gonna be a fraternity man! I'm so proud!" the farmer's wife exclaimed.

Raditz backed away in horror as the Earth female appeared to try to embrace him. These beings were obviously crazy! There was no telling what awful thing they must have done to Kakarot, no wonder he hadn't completed his purge of this planet.

"Now, see what you did, Josh? You've done went and traumatized him. Won't let his own mother hug him!" the woman sniffled.

WHAT? The foolish female thought SHE was _HIS_ MOTHER? Raditz was totally outraged. He furiously brought up his hands to blast both of the fools into oblivion_._

"I've got an absolute FEAST prepared for you, Hon!" Margaret announced.

FEAST? _FEAST?_ He hadn't had _anything_ to eat for an entire _year_!

He could go along with this foolishness if a feast was involved...

"Now Margaret, that food was meant for them boys that helped me plant the 'taters at first light. THEY deserve a good breakfast not this, this..."Josh started.

"I'll fix them somethin' after our dear boy eats. Our prodigal son is home and I am gonna give him a feast!" Margaret declared as she gave him another slap with her apron.

_'Just great! Woman ain't just lost her sight but she's done lost her mind too_!' the farmer thought to himself.

"Come on in the house, son. the food's already on the table," the woman insisted.

"Coming, _Mother," _Raditz snickered as he gave the farmer an evil smirk.

_'I can't believe it. My own wife invitin' an ALIEN into our home and feedin' him yet_', Josh thought as he shook his head. This wasn't going to end well he could just feel it.

Delicious smells were wafting from the strange dwelling. The woman ushered Raditz into a room where a large table was fairly groaning under the huge amount of food that filled the platters which were placed on it.

The trio sat down, Josh glared at the alien and Marge gave him a swift kick under the table. Raditz grabbed the platter closest to him. The plate held what appeared to be some kind of meat. It had a pinkish-red stripe and a brownish crispy edge to it. Cautiously taking a bite, the Saiyan's eyes went wide. This strange meat was absolutely delicious! The smoky-sweet flavor was amazing. The couple looked on in shock as he promptly consumed the entire plateful.

Some puffy brownish-white circles sat on one plate. The third-class Saiyan warrior watched as the woman smeared some yellow colored substance on one of the circles and then proceed to eat it. Raditz did likewise. Ah, it was some sort of bread but lighter and tastier than any bread he had ever eaten.

Yellow squares with even tinier squares fashioned into them lay on a plate. Raditz didn't care at all for the taste. The farmer put two of the squares on his plate. The Saiyan observed as the human smeared some of that yellow stuff on them. He also poured a thick brown fluid over them. Raditz followed suit, what a surprising change in flavor! The long-haired Saiyan took the entire platter and prepared them as he'd seen the farmer do. The entire lot was eaten within three bites.

'_Sure EATS like Bobby_', the farmer thought.

Margaret jumped up and brought several more platters to the table. Josh was fit to be tied. That obnoxious alien had snapped up the hash browns, the ham and cheese omelet, sausage casserole and ALL the cinnamon rolls! Josh had barely gotten more than a whiff of the food.

Raditz was thoroughly enjoying his meal, the food was strange but absolutely delectable.

"I do like to see a good appetite but I believe they're starvin 'my poor boy up at that school," the farmer's wife declared.

Raditz was finally stuffed silly, there wasn't so much as a crumb left on the table. He sighed contentedly as he sat back in the strange seat.

Now it was the farmer's time to smirk.

"Okay _SON_. It's time to get to **work**!"

"Work?" Raditz repeated.

"Yep. The North 40 needs plowin'. Hogs need to be fed. Cows need to be milked. Got to get the corn planted and grass needs cuttin' on twelve acres" Josh informed the Saiyan.

Raditz wasn't sure what all that meant but it _did_ sound like a LOT of work. He had no intention of doing any of it. A nap sounded really good right now after all that food.

"HE AIN'T DOIN NOTHIN'!" Margaret insisted.

Raditz smirked at the farmer.

"Can't have him gettin' that hair caught in the farm equipment. Why he's liable to get his head ripped clean off! SO HE'S GETTIN' THAT HAIR CUT OFF!

_WHAT?_

The Saiyan clutched at his long, luxurious mane. She wanted to _cut_ HIS HAIR!

Margaret walked up with a bowl and a large pair of scissors in her hands.

Raditz backed away.

"Now don't be gettin' all worked up. I'm just gonna cut it _right over _your ears like I always do..."

...

Raditz smirked at the large crater that used to be a farmhouse. Now to find Kakarot...


End file.
